Mr. Reginald Swinebottom Presents...

Author Humor: Mr. Swinebottom Skittish Skits

Oh, the grand adventures of yardwork and home maintenance. I stopped by the Peregrine house this weekend to help with some chores. It’s what friends do, right? Well, as we say in theatre, my timing was all wrong.

This Mr. Reginald Swinebottom presents, and here are some more theatrics for you…


Mr. Swinebottom (SB): “Won’t Peregrine be surprised when she wakes up. The front yard will be mowed and she can do some writing! I got my ear protectors on, my headphones are working.  And it’s exactly five a.m. I’m right on schedule. If I hurry I can do the backyard, too.”

Mr. Swinebottom starts up the push mower and begins a jolly procession. He waves to a robin and bows to a bee before continuing onto his second row. Mr. Swinebottom is in the middle of executing a perfect pirouette to the Nutcracker Suite playing in his headphones when he notices someone approaching in his periphery.

A woman in a fluffy purple bathrobe is quickly approaching from next door. She seems to have just woken up as her hair is plastered to the back of her head in a sort of Cockatoo motif.

SB: “Good morning, Mrs. LaPinski! What a lovely bathrobe you’re wearing. It’s a beautiful morning today, isn’t it?”

The neighbor holds up a hand into a “bird” like shape that Mr. Swinebottom takes for sign language.

SB: “I know that sign–it’s universal! So you’re taking sign language classes, too? So is Peregrine. That’s so neat.”

The neighbor stomps on the grass and points to a watch on her wrist repeatedly, gesticulating fervently.

SB: “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the mower and music. You’ll have to sign more.”

The neighbor “signs” again and turns to walk away.

SB: “You used that sign already. Oh well. Talk to you later!”

3 thoughts on “Author Humor: Mr. Swinebottom Skittish Skits”

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