Brief Humor & Check-Ins

The People of Excuseville (Five Minute Snarky Humor)

There is a land called Excuseville. A tiny village rather, that’s growing larger all the time. You can visit, you know, but do come with a ready handbag full of excuses. When in Rome, and all that.

“I’m so sorry. I would have been here on time, but you see–I couldn’t find my shoes this morning and a bird landed in my breakfast cereal. Milk all over. Had to change my blouse.”

Or if you’d rather something more colorful:

“My alarm didn’t wake me up. Never mind that I threw it across the room, it still should’ve worked!”

Once you arrive at Excuseville, you’ll come across the various market stalls with sellers advertising their wares of ready made excuses, neatly arrayed on their counters. You may hear such greeting as:

“Come one, come all. No need to take self-responsibility if you come over to my stall. This is the newest model of ready-made excuses, ladies and gentlemen, fresh from the jar. We have everything from “The computer wouldn’t connect to the network, but I did try to plug it into the fax machine” to “I forgot I had to update that software. Is it a problem the servers are going down?”

At every stall, however, you can find a personal favorite of mine. I do highly suggest it, as it’s a local delicacy of Excuseville. It’s called:

“Nobody told me that.”

This excuse is unique, in that it can be used repeatedly, no expiration date. Do try to pass it onto your grandchildren. It’s certainly a unique heirloom.

~Fin~

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Author Update: Go Biden, BLM, WIP and Reaching 400 Followers

The saint and I were walking our dog recently around our neighborhood. When returning home, I picked up one of those pesky advertisement newspapers that people like to deposit on your driveway so you can then put it promptly into the recycling bin. Kind of like when someone leaves a flier on your windshield–it’s just too kind of them to give you an extra chore to do that day. A woman passed by, walking briskly and offered us a wide smile.

“Three more days, right? Can’t wait!” she chirped. I realized she was recognizing us as the owner of the Biden Harris 2021 sign, standing next to our BLM flag. We had decided to leave the election sign up until at least the inauguration; the BLM flag up for all eternity. Stalwart resolutions against the Trump flags and signs we had seen scattered haphazardly around our area. I had recently applied a coat of fabric paint to the flag, freshening its sun bleached surface.

“Y-yeah,” I replied, my shy nature ever present amongst, well, everyone since birth. Let’s be honest.

“Go Biden!”

“Go Biden!” I returned, offering a smile and a wave as she returned to achieve her walking goals.

One successful human interaction, in the bag.

***

Just a little story, showing there are still nice people out there, encouraging one another to stick it out. Over the past year, I have witnessed the good (peaceful BLM marches) to the bad (see recent Capitol atrocity) play out around me, with the pandemic lingering above the stage, ever present. We are living in a crescendo of history, forces pitting themselves against each other, people drawing lines of a social Civil War that’s amping up across capitols nationwide.

On my current WIP (GOTD), I am nearing the 45,000 word mark. I’m not much for word counts–I think a story is as long as it needs to be–but it serves as a helpful indicator to show how far I’ve come through my starts, stops and rewrites. I’ve probably broken all the “rules” of writing six times to Sunday by now, but that’s alright. What matters is the final product.

I’ve gone ahead and updated my website, and posted a brief teaser of my next book under “Works in Progress.” I hope you’ll give it a read, a like and an encouraging air high five from six feet away. I’ll be sure to return the encouragement. We all need that, don’t we? And in final news, Peregrine Arc reached 400 subscribers the other day. Similar feelings with follower counts as with word counts, but a useful marker all the same.

How is your writing going? Are you taking care of yourself? Growing a little more every day? Update us in the comments below. Cheers and happy writing. Stay out of the stagnant water of ignorance and hatred—go forth and flourish!

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Author: Quick Social Media Update (New Accounts) 📷🐦

Just a quick note to say I created an Instagram and Twitter account. I’ve been encouraged by some of the nicer, authentic writers I’ve come across online who are serious about their work and have developed their own platforms. I hope this will help get my next WIP (GOTD) partnered with a publishing agency who falls in horror-love with the manuscript.

To be honest and transparent, I have a reluctant, love-hate relationship with social media; a lot of it seems fake, shallow and insincere to me. However, I realize there are good writers out there to be found and discover their own works and journeys. As long as I can continue to be authentic and encouraging to others on these platforms (as on this blog), I think it may be a good thing to take a chance on.

If you’d like to give me a follow, that’d be great. I hope you are well in this pandemic and that you continue to write and grow during these difficult times. God bless you and keep you.

https://mobile.twitter.com/PeregrineArc

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Author: House Projects & Zealotry, Oh My (Five Minute Humorous Snippet)

I am an avid house project kind of person, when I’m not writing. With YouTube, Google, Logic and Experience latched into my toolbelt, I know no bounds. I’ve embarked on everything from upcycling, painting, tile work, gardening to other DIYs. I have chanted the oft repeated phrase: “Can I fix it? Yes I CAN!” until the neighbors took up a timeshare in the Bahamas. I have also have run into my fair share of mischief and oopsies (that’s a technical term) along the way. Painting is one of my favorite DIY projects to do.

Today, I began to paint some heater vents that were original to our house. I think they were last painted in 1647 by the looks of them. In my zealousness to try out my new paint and sponge painting technique, I got the very white paint all over my hands and even (as I discovered anon) in my hair. This paint (I did not realize until later) has primer in it. Primer in Latin means “forever with you, sucker.” I looked it up. I then realized (anon, again) that I have a hair appointment tomorrow morning with my hairdresser (in order to look like a halfway decent human being, etc.). The saint, my husband, turned to me and said the following after I bemoaned I couldn’t get said paint off my hands and probably wouldn’t have much luck with my hair before tomorrow’s appointment.

“Don’t worry; you look beautiful.”

My response?

“I look like a pigeon who poo’d on itself.”

And that, ladies and gentleman, is a glimpse behind the mirror of my writing, humor and life. Please remember to tip the attendee on your way out. All proceeds go towards pigeon safety training, feeding times and rehabilitation. Coo coo, cachoo.

Happy writing.

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Author: Jim Henson & 233 Scene Takes

Just a quick check-in to wish everyone a Happy New Years. My second novel (GOTD) is going better–slow and steady. I’ll be focusing on that over the holiday weekend to get as far as I can.

In the meantime, here’s a fabulous video of 233 takes from Henson’s “Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas.” The director wanted the drum to fall just right against the milk cannister out front, and land sideways halfway off the curb (which finally happens…233 tries later). I read somewhere in the comments that when they tried this during rehearsal, they nailed it the first time. When they went to tape it…well, you’ll see.

Two hundred and thirty three tries. I admire the tenacity. A necessary skill to have in writing.

Oh and Frank Oz, you’re a genius. God bless The Muppets. ❤

Brief Humor & Check-Ins, Introversion/INTJ

Author: Poking Pesky People, Introversion (Humor | Bring Snacks)

I’m going to go out on a limb here and offer an observation. You’re welcome to swing it back over the net and volley it around. I’ll walk away and let you chew on the little birdie. 🏸

Introversion is seen as a problem by many people as a personality “quirk” that is less than ideal. If you’re not a card carrying member of the fabulous trifecta F’s of American society (see: football-family-and forever fiestas), you might get the coveted ‘weirdo’ sticker plastered onto your forehead. This sticker doesn’t come off in the shower, but one can fix their bangs around it quite stylishly. Sassy…

Please click on page 2 below to continue reading.

Quick humor

Horror Author: Poison Ivy & The Lingering Evil (Short Humor)

Did you know you can get a poison ivy rash in the Fall and Winter, even after all the leaves have fallen off the plant, and just the vines and roots are left? I did not. The saint and I knew we had a few patches left in our garden beds to get rid of–we waited until a few frosts had passed. I walked into our backyard recently to find a field of crunchy frost, thick and deliciously cold. Now was the time to finally kill the fiend–or so I thought. It still lived, quietly waiting to attack. War was here. But I was ready.

You can’t burn the evil that is poison ivy–the smoke releases the infamous urushiol oil from the plant (what gives you the rash) and you can inhale the oil into your lungs. If you pick the plant (see: forcefully yank up the said beast with a wild glint of triumph and malice), you’ll need to wash all your clothing–and your body–thoroughly–including the gloves and other protective gear you should be wearing. Otherwise the oil lingers and chuckles in glee, causing continued reactions for up to a year. I did discover one alternative to eradicating the evil plant. GOATS. Goats eat poison ivy apparently–along with a plethora of other items questionable to our human guts.

I may write a letter to Heaven then, asking Gabriel to send forth a holy flock from on high to my backyard one day soon. Kill the evil that is, dear little goaties, once and for all. Go forth and conquer!

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Author: My Summary of Crocheting (Humor) 🧶

I watched a couple tutorials about crocheting today. Another skill I could perhaps learn and make useful things using yarn. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I tried to learn how to knit once. The knitting needles were flung into the nearest wall in a fit of rage and ire, the likes of which has never been seen again. People who visited thought I had a porcupine living in my walls. No, no. It was just a visual reminder I kept to remember the evil that was and to never return to again. Ever.

The saint (my spouse) can knit and sew a bit, and quite well; he enjoys it. He’s been collecting quite a stash of yarn for his projects. He’s a patient teacher but I would rather do anything else, short of murder, than knit.

Here’s my summary of the evil that is crocheting. And remember now, this is humor.

🧶🧶🧶

“Yarn over… Yarn over… This here is a chain. It becomes a prison of crocheting. Yarn over some more… Now we’re going to do something very simple, you peons, so please do try to keep up this time. We’re going to do a triple, double, ventriloquist, three quarter backflip, in Chinese. Now take the third loop, feed through, you should have six loops now… If you don’t, all hope is lost and you have failed miserably. If you’re still with me, cast off a fish and off we go…!”

Ain’t life grand? No wonder cats attack balls of yarn. They were trying to save us all this time…Thanks, Fluffy. 🐱

Brief Humor & Check-Ins, Labrador Lessons

Author: Dog Owner Truths (Humor Needed in 2020) 💩 💀🥕

Fun fact: I own a dog who is not only never happy, she’s also never had food before. I’ll offer her a baby carrot* on which she’ll crunch on and then look at me shortly for another.

“I’ve never had a carrot before, mother.”

“You just had six.”

*intense stare with violin music*

The next day, I offer her a mushroom while cooking.

“I’ve never had a mushroom, mother–“

The next-next day.

“Would you like your dinner?”

“I’ve never had—“

You get the jist.

In fact, she was just whining to me while I typed this. I looked up, asked her to come to my chair…and watched as she passed me and sauntered into the kitchen instead.

The sassiness is real.

I once had a vet tech tell me my dog was overweight. (She was, but only by a few pounds, which she quickly shed with walks. The saint and I both thought she was too thin after we rescued her. Apparently we went overboard on the treats…)

The vet tech said “If your dog is still hungry after her meals, try mixing in frozen veggies into her kibble.”

I just stared at this said vet tech. I wanted to know where she went to school. Had she ever owned a dog? What mockery was this?

“She’s a Lab. They’re ALWAYS hungry!”

It’s a universally acknowledged truth, that a plate in possession of a delicious meal is clearly in want of a Labrador…


I should go back now and educate this young vet tech some more. How my dog loves to sniff out other animal poo (and eat it, if she’s too fast for us to stop her), jump around excitedly after successfully going herself (a practice I think we should all adopt) and her penultimate favorite:

She loves to eat dead things. Case in point:

I think a hawk or an owl dropped a half of something in our backyard one day, that used to be a whole something. Oh, don’t you worry–my dog found it. Yes, indeed. And proceeded to put it inside her mouth! That was a happy day for her. Oh, happy, happy days. And an entertaining day for my neighbors as well, while they watched me chase my dog around our yard and pry her little stubborn jaws open…


Just some quick humor, all you wonderful readers. I ordered a ring light for my YouTube channel (which is recently, yet slowly, up and running). I’m hoping to film some more this weekend and picked up some goodies for some projects. Subscribe, follow and sashsay.

Write on! ✏️

Feel free to share said bloggy if you so feel inclined. Bloggy would be most pleased. Adieu.

*Check PetMD and or with your vet before giving your dog different foods to try. Be safe–their bodies and nutritional needs are different than ours.