Star Jar

Author: Star Jar & More Questions (Humor/Free E-Book Giveaway)

Here’s the second half of the questions/topics I received for my Star Jar. These are all questions from the one and only, Ms. Chelsea.

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Awards

Blogger Nomination: Behind the Blogger (Author)

Thank you, Steve for the nomination! So very kind of you and Muffin. Everyone, read his blog now. Canada, cats, birds and bears–oh my.  It’s one of my favorites and I read it several times a week. It’s good medicine.

The rules and my answers are below:

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Contest Entries

Terrible Poetry Entry: Parody of “Death (Dog) be not proud”

Here’s my entry for Chelsea Owen’s current Terrible Poetry Contest:

Parody of “Death be not proud” by John Donne

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Brief Humor & Check-Ins, Christianity: My Journey & Thoughts

Indie Author: When You Want To Kill Someone (humor)

To quote John Pinette, sometimes I lose my cherub like demeanor. Whether it’s in parking garages, the daily commute or someone being a me-monster, my clock of patience winds down with humanity more quickly these days. The hour hand suddenly jams and can’t move. Soon the second hand gets stuck and the minute hand ticks solitarily in place. I start to twitch while calculating coffin sizes in my mind.

Why, you think to yourself, are humans so selfish? I checked out a few theology books* at the library the other day, as we INTJ Christians do, to review the apologetics. One of the books answers tough questions about life, like why evil exists and why paper cuts happen. The Archangel Gabriel tapped me on the shoulder while I was checking out. I saw he had some comic books in his hands: X-Men Archangel of all things. He was frank with me, as usual: “Try dealing with your kind for thousands of years, kid. Some of us angels are difficult, too, but that’s a whole other story. By the way, can you autograph my copy of Memory Bound? Make it out to “Gabby the Angel”. Michael will keep his paws off it that way…”

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Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Indie Author Humor: Magical Roads

There is a road, or several really, that I pass on my daily commute. At certain times, the rules the rest of us peons follow whilst driving on these roads become obsolete. I watch as people run red lights at 40 mph+. I observe as drivers turn left from what I would have sworn was a straight only lane. I’ve experienced people doing U-turns only to then go straight on red. I was nearly t-boned during such an instance as I proceeded to turn left on a green light when traffic was clear. Silly me.

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Contest Entries

Terrible Love Poem Entry: Ode to my Hanky

Go to Chelsea’s page to have a crack at this week’s poetry contest. You’ll laugh yourself silly. Just silly. My entry is below.

It’s so terrible, I forgot to save the text. Perhaps my phone was just too much in pain from the experience. Alas, I do have a screenshot.

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Brief Humor & Check-Ins, Mr. Reginald Swinebottom Presents...

The Smite of February: Indie Author & Mr. Swinebottom

January 2019 has come and gone. February is here, smirking at my door step, holding up my list of to do’s and goals. The paper has a bit of rice stuck on the edges, along with some makeup smudges and wrinkles. January is standing behind her, bedraggled, dressed in a suit and talking into a cell phone. A candy cane is hanging from his left ear and a bit of New Year’s confetti is still in his bangs. An Uber pulls up and away he goes until next year.

“Say, author,” February asks, still holding the list and standing on my front porch in stilletos. “When are you going to edit your short story your editor got back to you about, oh…six weeks ago? And isn’t your writing room done yet? And when exactly are you going to get on your exercise schedule, huh?”

She bats her eyelashes and tosses back a red curl. I’m debating between a good old fashioned door slam or a Tae Kwon Do front kick while she continues her babbling.

“This list isn’t going to complete itself you know. Chip, chop. And when’s the last time you actually did some cardio? Looking a little pudgy, aren’t we…?”

It’s times like these when I call upon my trusty sidekick. Some may call it self confidence. Others may say it’s healthy boundary setting and self esteem.

I call mine…Mr. Swinebottom.

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Contests Held

Creativity Contest: The Mysterious Love Letters (Closed)

EqaLast week you were told you were a thief, attempting to crack open a safe. Motive, scene and setting were yours to create. But the twist was you actually never get any of the contents of the safe, whatever you imagined them to be. But why? How? What happened? Well, take a gander in the comments of that entry and you’ll see why. Creativity abounds! 😉

For this week’s prompt, we’re tipping our caps to Valentine’s Day, but with our usual twist at Peregrine Arc.

You are a business professional, an entrepreneur, who just purchased a very old, abandoned hotel. You have big plans to renovate this hotel back to its former glory and you’re doing what work you can solo to save money.  In the middle of cleaning one morning, you find a stack of undelivered letters in the cubby holes behind the front desk. They’re brittle, addressed in cursive and…you can hear whispers coming from the paper. Or at least you think you do. And unlike the rest of the hotel, the envelopes are clean. No dust has settled on them and you strongly suspect they’re love letters by the red ribbon tied delicately around them. Okay, writers. Show us: what exactly do you do?

The rules are below. No winners/losers, per usual. I’m really curious to see the directions you’ll take with this. Pass the disinfectant, wouldn’t you?

While you’re here, hit that subscribe button and stick around for awhile. We’d love to have you at Peregrine Arc. 🦉💌

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Contests Held

Creativity Contest: The Sealed Safe (Closed)

Last week you received a mysterious letter about a dinner guest arriving at six. The guest was yours to invent, along with building the anticipation and laying out the setting. The results were pretty humorous with some unique timing and guests who showed up at the end. I appreciate everyone participating and encourage you to take a look at other’s takes you can find in the entries’ comments. Together, we can spread the joy of writing and dig in the garden of imagination. 🌷

For this week’s prompt, I want you to imagine you are a thief. Whatever motive you have, good, bad, or both, is up to you. Whatever setting and condition the safe is in is also up to you. It could be underwater, in a mine, in a delapidated mansion…Take the wheel of literature and drive us there!

But here’s the twist: you don’t get what’s inside the safe. Do you crack it and the contents are missing? Or do you lose your nerve and get caught? Ponderings. Take it and fly and add a psychological twist for $1000, Alex.

The rules are below. No winners/losers, per usual. We all just want to see your spin on this one. Pass the crowbar, would you?

While you’re here, hit that subscribe button and stick around for awhile. We’d love to have you at Peregrine Arc. 🦉

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