Mr. Reginald Swinebottom Presents...

Author Humor: Mr. Swinebottom Skittish Skits

Oh, the grand adventures of yardwork and home maintenance. I stopped by the Peregrine house this weekend to help with some chores. It’s what friends do, right? Well, as we say in theatre, my timing was all wrong.

This Mr. Reginald Swinebottom presents, and here are some more theatrics for you…

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Mr. Reginald Swinebottom Presents...

Author Humor: Mr. Swinebottom Skittish Skits

It’s been a busy week at the Peregrine Household and we’re here today to share a few brief moments into author life and humor. This is Mr. Reginald Swinebottom presents, and here are some theatrics for you…

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Star Jar

Author: Star Jar & More Questions (Humor/Free E-Book Giveaway)

Here’s the second half of the questions/topics I received for my Star Jar. These are all questions from the one and only, Ms. Chelsea.

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Awards

Blogger Nomination: Behind the Blogger (Author)

Thank you, Steve for the nomination! So very kind of you and Muffin. Everyone, read his blog now. Canada, cats, birds and bears–oh my.  It’s one of my favorites and I read it several times a week. It’s good medicine.

The rules and my answers are below:

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Contest Entries

Terrible Poetry Entry: Parody of “Death (Dog) be not proud”

Here’s my entry for Chelsea Owen’s current Terrible Poetry Contest:

Parody of “Death be not proud” by John Donne

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Brief Humor & Check-Ins, Christianity: My Journey & Thoughts

Indie Author: When You Want To Kill Someone (humor)

To quote John Pinette, sometimes I lose my cherub like demeanor. Whether it’s in parking garages, the daily commute or someone being a me-monster, my clock of patience winds down with humanity more quickly these days. The hour hand suddenly jams and can’t move. Soon the second hand gets stuck and the minute hand ticks solitarily in place. I start to twitch while calculating coffin sizes in my mind.

Why, you think to yourself, are humans so selfish? I checked out a few theology books* at the library the other day, as we INTJ Christians do, to review the apologetics. One of the books answers tough questions about life, like why evil exists and why paper cuts happen. The Archangel Gabriel tapped me on the shoulder while I was checking out. I saw he had some comic books in his hands: X-Men Archangel of all things. He was frank with me, as usual: “Try dealing with your kind for thousands of years, kid. Some of us angels are difficult, too, but that’s a whole other story. By the way, can you autograph my copy of Memory Bound? Make it out to “Gabby the Angel”. Michael will keep his paws off it that way…”

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Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Indie Author Humor: Magical Roads

There is a road, or several really, that I pass on my daily commute. At certain times, the rules the rest of us peons follow whilst driving on these roads become obsolete. I watch as people run red lights at 40 mph+. I observe as drivers turn left from what I would have sworn was a straight only lane. I’ve experienced people doing U-turns only to then go straight on red. I was nearly t-boned during such an instance as I proceeded to turn left on a green light when traffic was clear. Silly me.

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Contest Entries

Terrible Love Poem Entry: Ode to my Hanky

Go to Chelsea’s page to have a crack at this week’s poetry contest. You’ll laugh yourself silly. Just silly. My entry is below.

It’s so terrible, I forgot to save the text. Perhaps my phone was just too much in pain from the experience. Alas, I do have a screenshot.

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Brief Humor & Check-Ins, Mr. Reginald Swinebottom Presents...

The Smite of February: Indie Author & Mr. Swinebottom

January 2019 has come and gone. February is here, smirking at my door step, holding up my list of to do’s and goals. The paper has a bit of rice stuck on the edges, along with some makeup smudges and wrinkles. January is standing behind her, bedraggled, dressed in a suit and talking into a cell phone. A candy cane is hanging from his left ear and a bit of New Year’s confetti is still in his bangs. An Uber pulls up and away he goes until next year.

“Say, author,” February asks, still holding the list and standing on my front porch in stilletos. “When are you going to edit your short story your editor got back to you about, oh…six weeks ago? And isn’t your writing room done yet? And when exactly are you going to get on your exercise schedule, huh?”

She bats her eyelashes and tosses back a red curl. I’m debating between a good old fashioned door slam or a Tae Kwon Do front kick while she continues her babbling.

“This list isn’t going to complete itself you know. Chip, chop. And when’s the last time you actually did some cardio? Looking a little pudgy, aren’t we…?”

It’s times like these when I call upon my trusty sidekick. Some may call it self confidence. Others may say it’s healthy boundary setting and self esteem.

I call mine…Mr. Swinebottom.

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