Contest Entries, Short Stories & Poetry

Terrible Poem: “Oh, I’m a Gonna Go!”🎶

Oh, I’m a Gonna Go!

I’m a gonna go out where the wind durst blow
Sand in my knickers and mud in my toes
Where cow pies rightly disappear and the crickets eat them dangburned rusted bandoliers!
Where the guns don’t get to shootin’,
Where there’s no high brow falutin’
And everyone dances ’till half past three…
If you need me, why that there where’s I’ll be…!
In the Land of Absolution…!

-A.R. Clayton


There’s too much fun to be had at this week’s Terrible Poetry contest. Have fun and keep writing. ✏️

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Author: The VERY Weird Week of Weeks 🏳️

I can’t share everything, but let’s just dive into the deep end, shall we? Don’t run off now…We’re just getting started!

  • I nearly got knocked out (and I mean one-two, you’re out!) by my dog (accidentally). She was excited to see me and she was excited for her dinner–all at the same time. It was too much happiness for her to contain and process. Silly me, I knelt down to pet her and she knocked her skull against my lower jaw–hard–in her sheer and utter ecstasy. Now I know what a boxer must feel like. 🥊
  • I made a lady mad at me for my chip not working in my debit card at her register, even though their new machines weren’t working right. That was pleasant, along with her begging me (her hands were pressed together like she was praying) to look into my card’s issues. Ahem. Usually a machine will have you swipe after awhile if it can’t read your chip and all is well. Oh, no. Let’s give the blue screen of death instead and blame the customer. Cheers.
  • I got to watch someone take their driver’s test in the parking garage the other day. I’m only half kidding. I watched as someone backed up a few times in front of three waiting cars to wiggle the butt of their car into position. And then, by golly, they went for it! They went into reverse (yes, reverse; did I stutter?) into an angled parking space. I promise you, if you keep going up there are indeed more magical rectangle spaces for your fine steed. Come with me if you want to park!
  • I received a slightly panicked phonecall requesting immediate assistance, along with a half hearted warning that I may not want to come after all. That was fun. Yes, yes: everyone calm down. I’m on the case. I think.
  • My key kept getting stuck in my car’s ignition. After awhile, I think my car was trying to tell me something: “Don’t go out there, mother. It’s not worth it!” How right he is.

How about you, how was your week? Leave a thought below and hit that follow button if you want to join this crazy thing called Peregrine Arc. Ker-kaw and sakes alive, she even writes books! ✏️

Cheers.

Contest Entries

Terrible Poem: Bleak Mid-Winter❄️😴 (humor)

Let There Be Light

I don’t mind the cold or that white stuff they call snow
What I mind is the lack of light, if it’s forty days in a row.
Something kicks in, some hibernational urge
And I find myself laying in bed
Snoring a symphonic dirge

– A.R. Clayton


Want to take a try? We’re here, cheering you on. Happy writing. ✏️

Short Stories & Poetry

Author: We Can be Captains (Millennial Free Verse) 🧭

Falling asleep, deep-deep-deep.  Babysitting another adult, two–three– generations removed from me.

“We’ll get that to you in a week.” I scoff.  A week being sixty days, you mean. But I’m too clever, too snug, to call out the lies, the tales your fingers drum-on. After all, no good would come of’…such unrepentant honesty. 

The very oxygen would be stolen from your gills.

No comeuppance allowed upstream in the laws of generational physics. So I wait, floating still in the current, until your ropes are cut and you’ll float away, while the brine and salt wash my eyes and hair. And you go to be judged at your sunset day.

Deep. Deep. Deep. When will these felons with blinders retire to the sea…?

We can be captains, we can be heroes of the elite.

Christianity: My Journey & Thoughts, Ponderings

Author: Death Be Not Proud (Card Aisle Anger)🌹

After work today, I found myself in the card aisle at our local grocery store, finding the sympathy section, or what was now called “Care and Concern”, or something to that effect. A childhood friend had texted me earlier today, telling me her chronically ill mother had passed away. Her mother, I knew, had a condition that affected her memories and mind. My friend told me her mother still remembered me at times, however, and had asked about me every so often. How this was possible, I’m not sure. But it really hit home with me that she had somehow preserved a memory of me in her illness. I hope it gave her some comfort.

I scanned the cards at the store, thinking about this and the time I had spent at their house, all the while holding my bag of lasagna noodles and French bread for making dinner tonight. I expected the cards to all be generic, with heartfelt messages like: “I’m sorry for the loss of your loved one” or “Our prayers are with you in this difficult time.” Nothing too personal, you know, nothing that says that awful, ill conceived phrase: “I understand.”

Continue reading “Author: Death Be Not Proud (Card Aisle Anger)🌹”

Christianity: My Journey & Thoughts, Ponderings

Author: 2020 Goals, Word of the Year & Writers Group?✏️

Before we begin, I stole the Word of the Year idea from Violet’s blog. so the credit is all hers. Let’s dive in.

Continue reading “Author: 2020 Goals, Word of the Year & Writers Group?✏️”

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Author: Overheard in the Peregrine Household (Quick Humor) 🤭

The joys of stomach viruses, folks. Enjoy. ✏️

The Saint: “But I wanted to finish painting my room tomorrow…”

Me: “Do you think it’s a good idea to be in a room with the windows open in December when you’re sick? I don’t want you running to the bathroom like it’s your last life in Mario either.”

Ba dum, cchsssh. 🥁