Author: Eating the Sucker (Gyno Visit |Humor) 🍭

Every year when I visit my lovely gynocologist to do my health (fit as a fiddle), wealth (take my money) and stealth (ninja power level 9000) check, I usually do the same things:

1. I forget how to get to the office. I remember on the way there.
2. Once arriving, I try going through the same locked door. I walk down three feet and find an unlocked door. The mysteries of building security.
3. I see at least one child being mischievous. It was two this time. They were both wearing surgical masks and a newspaper was suspiciously crumpled near them on a chair.
4. The waiting room has at least one baby, usually more, and a few nervous and bored fathers. I suspect the nervous fathers are first time dads and the bored ones have been through the process a time or two.
5. I ask the health tech if I can use the restroom like I’m back at school and am expecting to be told no and asked to finish my homework first.
6. I eat a sucker at the checkout desk after everything is done. Why? Because I forget how old I am. And the check out secretary just smiles and hands me my paperwork. Peace, lady. ☮️
7. I miss my turn on the way out to get back to the main road. Every. Single. Time.

This year I was in luck and there was a root beer flavored sucker–a golden winner that rises above all other suckers I hold in low disregard: grape, lemon, cherry and the like. Butterscotch is another safe bet, but is never above  root beer. And never will I eat a grape sucker. Ever.

Being an adult can be taxing, for both men and women. As I only have experience being a woman, the yearly gyno trip is one of the gender specific activities on the to do list I never enjoy doing but smile after it’s over.* Ten points for me, I think. I took care of myself and made gynocologists and advocates of women’s health smile the world over. Hip hip, hooray.

But when I’m done, and I’m checking out, I take a sucker. I eyed the Star Wars Wookie stickers up for grabs, too, but decided to leave those for the kids dragged by their moms later that afternoon. There were only a few left, curses…

The next time you’re adulting and find yourself going through the motions, take a sucker. Or perhaps a glittery unicorn sticker that will leech all over your car and will make your interior sparkle.

Don’t take yourself too seriously, but do take care of yourself– inside and out. ☺️

Ladies, have you gotten your yearly checkup and/or mammogram? Don’t wait, schedule it today. And get your sucker. Root beer’s mine.🍭

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*Transgender persons and other groups who may require this kind of care also included. ☺️