There is a land called Excuseville. A tiny village rather, that’s growing larger all the time. You can visit, you know, but do come with a ready handbag full of excuses. When in Rome, and all that.
“I’m so sorry. I would have been here on time, but you see–I couldn’t find my shoes this morning and a bird landed in my breakfast cereal. Milk all over. Had to change my blouse.”
Or if you’d rather something more colorful:
“My alarm didn’t wake me up. Never mind that I threw it across the room, it still should’ve worked!”
Once you arrive at Excuseville, you’ll come across the various market stalls with sellers advertising their wares of ready made excuses, neatly arrayed on their counters. You may hear such greeting as:
“Come one, come all. No need to take self-responsibility if you come over to my stall. This is the newest model of ready-made excuses, ladies and gentlemen, fresh from the jar. We have everything from “The computer wouldn’t connect to the network, but I did try to plug it into the fax machine” to “I forgot I had to update that software. Is it a problem the servers are going down?”
At every stall, however, you can find a personal favorite of mine. I do highly suggest it, as it’s a local delicacy of Excuseville. It’s called:
“Nobody told me that.”
This excuse is unique, in that it can be used repeatedly, no expiration date. Do try to pass it onto your grandchildren. It’s certainly a unique heirloom.