Short Stories & Poetry

A Very Short Story: Millennial Worker Bee

There once was a Millennial girl. She worked real hard, got good grades, and went out into the world. Every deadline, every good deed she sought–done.

That is, until the Waylayers came.

They came, armed and ready with their excuses, surrounding her at every turn: “I need more time!” and “I didn’t know I needed do that!” hung from their every orifice, the words bitter and broken, trailing over their lips.

Deadlines passed, expectations rose, foolishness ensued. And still, the little Millennial girl–branded by these Waylayers and naysayers as part of a lazy, decrepit generation–continued to see them disrupt, hem and haw, and delay progress. Fires broke out; chaos ensued. And still the little Millennial girl turned in her work on time, working dutifully at her desk, surrounded by the fires of Waylayers who burned it all to the ground. All efforts, ash, dust and must.

Until one day, the little Millennial girl stood up from her desk and leaned to crack her back. She took up her keyboard, broke it in two over her knee, and calmly picked up her purse and notebooks after tightening the bow around her ponytail. She said:

“That’s enough of this crap; I’m off to be a writer.”

And that was all she wrote.

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

The People of Excuseville (Five Minute Snarky Humor)

There is a land called Excuseville. A tiny village rather, that’s growing larger all the time. You can visit, you know, but do come with a ready handbag full of excuses. When in Rome, and all that.

“I’m so sorry. I would have been here on time, but you see–I couldn’t find my shoes this morning and a bird landed in my breakfast cereal. Milk all over. Had to change my blouse.”

Or if you’d rather something more colorful:

“My alarm didn’t wake me up. Never mind that I threw it across the room, it still should’ve worked!”

Once you arrive at Excuseville, you’ll come across the various market stalls with sellers advertising their wares of ready made excuses, neatly arrayed on their counters. You may hear such greeting as:

“Come one, come all. No need to take self-responsibility if you come over to my stall. This is the newest model of ready-made excuses, ladies and gentlemen, fresh from the jar. We have everything from “The computer wouldn’t connect to the network, but I did try to plug it into the fax machine” to “I forgot I had to update that software. Is it a problem the servers are going down?”

At every stall, however, you can find a personal favorite of mine. I do highly suggest it, as it’s a local delicacy of Excuseville. It’s called:

“Nobody told me that.”

This excuse is unique, in that it can be used repeatedly, no expiration date. Do try to pass it onto your grandchildren. It’s certainly a unique heirloom.

~Fin~