Brief Humor & Check-Ins

The People of Excuseville (Five Minute Snarky Humor)

There is a land called Excuseville. A tiny village rather, that’s growing larger all the time. You can visit, you know, but do come with a ready handbag full of excuses. When in Rome, and all that.

“I’m so sorry. I would have been here on time, but you see–I couldn’t find my shoes this morning and a bird landed in my breakfast cereal. Milk all over. Had to change my blouse.”

Or if you’d rather something more colorful:

“My alarm didn’t wake me up. Never mind that I threw it across the room, it still should’ve worked!”

Once you arrive at Excuseville, you’ll come across the various market stalls with sellers advertising their wares of ready made excuses, neatly arrayed on their counters. You may hear such greeting as:

“Come one, come all. No need to take self-responsibility if you come over to my stall. This is the newest model of ready-made excuses, ladies and gentlemen, fresh from the jar. We have everything from “The computer wouldn’t connect to the network, but I did try to plug it into the fax machine” to “I forgot I had to update that software. Is it a problem the servers are going down?”

At every stall, however, you can find a personal favorite of mine. I do highly suggest it, as it’s a local delicacy of Excuseville. It’s called:

“Nobody told me that.”

This excuse is unique, in that it can be used repeatedly, no expiration date. Do try to pass it onto your grandchildren. It’s certainly a unique heirloom.

~Fin~

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Author: “The Pan-Dammit” Pandemic (Snarky Humor)🤦🌴

I lost my cherub-like demeanor today. It crept up slowly. I went to one of my favorite bookstores/nerdy stores today. I had been looking forward to it all day, as they recently reopened (partially). Shortly upon entering, I was told “May I help you find anything? We’re closing in ten minutes.” I smiled politely (pointless behind my mask) and said “No thank you” and proceeded to find the saint to leave. Then another worker came up to me:

“WE’RE CLOSING IN FIVE MINUTES. GET YOUR CRAP AND GET OUT, YOU LITTLE PUNK!!”

Ahem. I exaggerate a little, but that’s how the message filtered into my brain. Sniff.

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Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Author: Retail Therapy (25 Books on Clearance/Sale)📚📚

Oh, the clearance sections of used book stores are certainly magical places. I’ve found many an excellent story hidden among the stacks of forgotten lore. There was even a sale today on top of the clearance prices. Oh, joy. Oh, rapture.

And in case anyone’s counting, one book (Building Blocks) was hidden accidentally when I took the photo. Happy reading.

KIMG0517

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Author: “The Case of the Missing Money” (Humor)🕵️‍♀️

We were walking down the street of an affluent neighborhood, having just gotten our Starbucks to keep our peepers open for the evening beat: a PSL for the Saint and a hot mint tea for me. It was the type of joint where people didn’t lock their bicycles in front of the stores and the want ads of the local newsletter sold comfort, security and false promises of legacy to the aging population.

My partner and I were passing the neighboring ice cream store when my eyes landed upon a wad of cash laying on the sidewalk. I picked it up, counted it: a ten and a one. No money clip. Hmm, not much cash for the folks running around here. We considered turning it in to the ice cream shop’s lost and found when we spotted a group of young girls gaggling together, about 30 feet away as the crow flies.

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Ponderings

Author: Thoughts on Time (INTJ |Humor) ⏰

I find myself indignant at clocks in the morning, or rather at the time when I arrive somewhere. I tend to run behind at set times when it’s routine; I tend to be early when it’s a non-routine event. Have I lost you yet?

I’ve tended to be a few minutes late to work most days since I started my adult career. Nothing outlandish; five minutes or less usually, sometimes ten if you include limping from the parking garage (granting I survive it another day), nursing my burn wounds from another wrong-way driver. I flip flop between berating myself over it and giving myself grace. I get excellent reviews at work and excel in my field professionally. I do make up time, but through the honor system and when projects call for overtime. Why then does punctuality seem to be my hang-up? I pondered this and here’s what I came up with…

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Contest Entries, Short Stories & Poetry

Author: Terrible Poetry Contest Entry

This week’s Terrible Poetry Contest is over at Chelsea’s page. Give it a read, give it a whirl, chuckle and snuffle until the words all swirl.

This week’s theme is losing something dear to you. I was daring and wrote about losing my patience.

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Star Jar

Author: Star Jar & More Questions (Humor/Free E-Book Giveaway)

Here’s the second half of the questions/topics I received for my Star Jar. These are all questions from the one and only, Ms. Chelsea.

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Awards

Blogger Nomination: Behind the Blogger (Author)

Thank you, Steve for the nomination! So very kind of you and Muffin. Everyone, read his blog now. Canada, cats, birds and bears–oh my.  It’s one of my favorites and I read it several times a week. It’s good medicine.

The rules and my answers are below:

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