Category: Ponderings

Christianity: My Journey & Thoughts, Ponderings

Reflections & Thoughts: Heaven, Hell and Which Tune to March To

Peregrine Arc: An Author's Scratchwork

I’ve never been a morning person–those who wake up with the sunrise and delight in singing chirpy, Julie Andrew tunes. I shuffle like a Resident Evil extra arriving late to set, put my shirt on backwards, and make my guardian angel file their retirement paperwork (yet again) as I navigate the stairs to find my way down to the kitchen. The law of gravity–such a pesky thing to watch out for.

How does one become a disciplined person? This is a journey I’ve been (lost and wandering) on for several years now. The saint often comments I’m one of the most disciplined persons he knows; however, I believe I can improve. And I want to. To stop growing is to become rootbound, and I wish to flourish.

A large swath of American society does not appear to appreciate quiet, introspective intelligent people–I’ll go further and add women to that descriptive, although I’m sure other genders experience this, too. Gentleness and meekness are seen as weaknesses, not strengths. Reflection and stillness are seen as adversaries to worshipping capitalism. “Return to work!” the conservatives cry to those not returning to the workforce. What they mean is “You’re worthless if you don’t become a slave for our kingdom.” This is one of their many lies.

I become very fatigued from listening to this, and similar verbiage from some conservative Americans–particularly those falsely calling themselves Christians. These chaos worshippers wave their banners of hypocrisy and eagerly run to support Trump and his growing bandwagon at the pulpit of the damned. These stirrings, and those who are zealous to join, are frightening. This is not of Christ; can you guess who it is from? I often comment to my husband that the last several years of recent history is like the separating of the sheep from the goats–people’s hearts are being revealed, and the sight is ugly and it is revolting.

I often wonder what Jesus would do, if he would return right at this moment. I think he would be incredibly furious, particularly at those who have the most power and resources and who used them for evil–especially evil done in his Father’s name. The Vatican, I believe, is extremely guilty of this and continues to blindly march into Hell–a theme I sometimes circle in my writing. If the old prophets returned today, what would they say? What would their faces look like? Only a perfect God can judge perfectly–but I feel many Christians have lost any fear (or love) of God.

I once saw a video of a woman, holding her baby, crawling on her knees across a courtyard outside of a church, crying out to God for mercy. I don’t know what her situation was, or what she was asking God for; I’m not sure it matters. Her humility and her rawness were apparent–it was not an act, as I’m not even sure she was aware of being filmed or photographed. The moment was her and Yahweh–herself and her God–coming together in honesty, truth and love.

“I have done wrong,” her face seemed to say. “Forgive me. Forgive me, and do not abandon me.”

As I work on becoming more disciplined, I think about such things, like software gently humming in the background of my mind. What tune do I choose to march to? Do I surrender myself daily to God, and ask Him for discernment and guidance–or do I allow myself to march to the easier tune of Hell, as I watch so many others march to the pied piper of propaganda and deliberate lies? Of control and ultimately death?

It’s a daily check; a discipline developed over time; a humility and wisdom I want and repeatedly ask for.

“Do not swerve to the right or to the left; keep your foot from evil.”

Amen, I say. Amen–let it be so.

Christianity: My Journey & Thoughts, Ponderings

“People Suck”, Compassion & Naivety: Thoughts

Peregrine Arc: An Author's Scratchwork

I was in a meeting for work once, years ago, when an associate shared a story from working at a children’s psychiatric care unit in a hospital. I believe she was in charge of intake and associated data collections with the children.

She shared a story of parents leaving (see: dumping) their children at the hospital, apparently “done” with parenting and sick of dealing with their kid’s issues. This happened more than once, I gathered from her tone. Just imagine if you would for a moment, being a child again (see: no money, no resources, limited education, a most vulnerable state of being overall) and being abandoned by your caretakers. Your brain (for whatever reason) isn’t working correctly; you may be in fact hallucinating. You’re sitting in a hard, plastic chair in an unfamiliar environment, trying to understand what’s happening to your life. And then you hear several words that vibrate across your heart:

“I’m done; you take him.”

I remember silence descended after the story ended. It was a solemn moment, as we all (to one degree or another) worked with vulnerable children and their families. The woman was clearly upset, even now, from witnessing these events. And then she said a bold statement, as we sat waiting for our next meeting to start:

“People suck. They just really suck, you know?”

I agreed wholeheartedly, but sadly. People do “suck”–they’re selfish, ignorant, vindictive, hurtful, and the adjectives could continue, but let’s not weary ourselves too much from one blog entry. The adjective that bothers me the most lately however, especially in America, is uncompassionate.

When people experience suffering, I believe their true self is revealed. All the playacting, the pretty self they put before public, gets ripped away. As a general rule, people don’t like to suffer–they want to be comfortable and seek the easy way out of situations, often times even if it does go against their moral compass. Sometimes this is disguised by the oft repeated phrase “I just want everyone to get along.” No, I don’t believe you do–I believe you just want to go back to the status quo, as it suits your comfort level, your nexus of power and control–your idea of “truth” and reality. Sweep all the uglies under the carpet and just idolize the pretties. Let’s be honest.

This and other reflections of humans and their bumbling behaviors have wearied me lately. Every time I see a Trump flag supporting hatred and white supremacy, a medical mask dangling uselessly under a flapping mouth, or someone cutting me off in traffic because they couldn’t see the merge sign from three miles back on a clear day. It’s soul tiring.

The only ‘solution’ to this I’ve found is to continue walking with Jesus. The true Jesus I mean, not the fake one selling you books for $29.95 with a Crest sponsored smile and Republican endorsements. No, I mean the Jesus who lived with us on earth, suffered in the most horrifying ways, and knows all too well what people think in the deepest chambers of their heart. He is the embodiment of compassion, of love–the truth, the light, the way. He came to serve, and showed us how in turn.

I found myself getting too sucked into the noise of the world and deactivated the social media accounts I had tried out earlier this year. I continue writing my WIP, and prepping for starting to submit my work. I also took the time to redesign my webpage–snazzy, isn’t it? I hope you all are doing well and taking care of your headspace and well-being. Take care and happy writing.