Category: Stopping By…

Stopping By...

Silly Tales & Incidentals, Dah’ling: A Tale

Peregrine Arc: An Author's Scratchwork
  1. Left a candle burning. Overnight. Lived to tell the tale.
  2. Put the kettle on the stove to boil. Promptly forgot about said kettle. Once saintly husband found it, half the water had been boiled out.
  3. Smacked face into tree limb while on riding lawnmower.
  4. Had to explain to dentist at my appointment that the “tree limb incident” was perhaps the reason why I was having a little bleeding in my mouth. (Turns out I had probably brushed too hard. What can I say–dental hygiene for the win.)
  5. Did a crazy dance of “Get away from me, you murderous villain” whilst swinging my hat around in a parking lot as a huge bug divebombed me. Looked over at the car parked next to ours–definitely was occupied with a man, whom I’m sure enjoyed my impromptu ninja dance.
  6. Perfected my ninja dance of protection on second return to said store parking lot, using my hat as a swinging pendulum device while moving in a straight line, shuffling paranoidly to our vehicle. Science for the win.
  7. Ducked the low hanging tree branches successfully at the next time mowing to avoid getting hit in the face. Lost my hat this time instead to one particularly vindictive tree branch. Promised myself I would retrieve my hat after finishing my chore. Promptly forgot any such thing, leaving it to survive a night of terror in the wild yonder–alone, abandoned and forgotten. Neighbors pointed out my hat to my husband the next evening. Got said hat back. The hat and I may be attending counseling together.
  8. Was doing a landscaping project, and my shovel hit an area where it consistently just would not go through. Rock, I hear you say? Hard clay, yet another? It got personal quickly; the shovel and I had words. I told my shovel that it wasn’t very sharp; it said I was an empty toolshed with no bolts to spare. Turns out, there was a weed blocker fabric that had grass camouflaging it; the border of the bed had originally been farther out into the yard and had been overgrown. Well played, spade. Well played.

Just eight silly (and slightly foolish) things I’ve done lately. Hope you had a good laugh, or at least a smile or two. Leave your funnies in the comments and happy writing.

Stopping By...

The People of Excuseville (Five Minute Snarky Humor)

Peregrine Arc: An Author's Scratchwork

There is a land called Excuseville. A tiny village rather, that’s growing larger all the time. You can visit, you know, but do come with a ready handbag full of excuses. When in Rome, and all that.

“I’m so sorry. I would have been here on time, but you see–I couldn’t find my shoes this morning and a bird landed in my breakfast cereal. Milk all over. Had to change my blouse.”

Or if you’d rather something more colorful:

“My alarm didn’t wake me up. Never mind that I threw it across the room, it still should’ve worked!”

Once you arrive at Excuseville, you’ll come across the various market stalls with sellers advertising their wares of ready made excuses, neatly arrayed on their counters. You may hear such greeting as:

“Come one, come all. No need to take self-responsibility if you come over to my stall. This is the newest model of ready-made excuses, ladies and gentlemen, fresh from the jar. We have everything from “The computer wouldn’t connect to the network, but I did try to plug it into the fax machine” to “I forgot I had to update that software. Is it a problem the servers are going down?”

At every stall, however, you can find a personal favorite of mine. I do highly suggest it, as it’s a local delicacy of Excuseville. It’s called:

“Nobody told me that.”

This excuse is unique, in that it can be used repeatedly, no expiration date. Do try to pass it onto your grandchildren. It’s certainly a unique heirloom.

~Fin~