“When they go low, we go high.” – Michelle Obama
Excuse me while I go dance around my house and rake our leaves outside into a frenzied tornado of whirlwind celebration. Woohoo!
Category: Stopping By…
Author: My Summary of Crocheting (Humor) 🧶
I watched a couple tutorials about crocheting today. Another skill I could perhaps learn and make useful things using yarn. I don’t know what I was thinking.
I tried to learn how to knit once. The knitting needles were flung into the nearest wall in a fit of rage and ire, the likes of which has never been seen again. People who visited thought I had a porcupine living in my walls. No, no. It was just a visual reminder I kept to remember the evil that was and to never return to again. Ever.
The saint (my spouse) can knit and sew a bit, and quite well; he enjoys it. He’s been collecting quite a stash of yarn for his projects. He’s a patient teacher but I would rather do anything else, short of murder, than knit.
Here’s my summary of the evil that is crocheting. And remember now, this is humor.
🧶🧶🧶
“Yarn over… Yarn over… This here is a chain. It becomes a prison of crocheting. Yarn over some more… Now we’re going to do something very simple, you peons, so please do try to keep up this time. We’re going to do a triple, double, ventriloquist, three quarter backflip, in Chinese. Now take the third loop, feed through, you should have six loops now… If you don’t, all hope is lost and you have failed miserably. If you’re still with me, cast off a fish and off we go…!”
Ain’t life grand? No wonder cats attack balls of yarn. They were trying to save us all this time…Thanks, Fluffy. 🐱
Author: Dog Owner Truths (Humor Needed in 2020) 💩 💀🥕
Fun fact: I own a dog who is not only never happy, she’s also never had food before. I’ll offer her a baby carrot* on which she’ll crunch on and then look at me shortly for another.
“I’ve never had a carrot before, mother.”
“You just had six.”
*intense stare with violin music*
The next day, I offer her a mushroom while cooking.
“I’ve never had a mushroom, mother–“
The next-next day.
“Would you like your dinner?”
“I’ve never had—“
You get the jist.
—
In fact, she was just whining to me while I typed this. I looked up, asked her to come to my chair…and watched as she passed me and sauntered into the kitchen instead.
The sassiness is real.
—
I once had a vet tech tell me my dog was overweight. (She was, but only by a few pounds, which she quickly shed with walks. The saint and I both thought she was too thin after we rescued her. Apparently we went overboard on the treats…)
The vet tech said “If your dog is still hungry after her meals, try mixing in frozen veggies into her kibble.”
I just stared at this said vet tech. I wanted to know where she went to school. Had she ever owned a dog? What mockery was this?
“She’s a Lab. They’re ALWAYS hungry!”
It’s a universally acknowledged truth, that a plate in possession of a delicious meal is clearly in want of a Labrador…
I should go back now and educate this young vet tech some more. How my dog loves to sniff out other animal poo (and eat it, if she’s too fast for us to stop her), jump around excitedly after successfully going herself (a practice I think we should all adopt) and her penultimate favorite:
She loves to eat dead things. Case in point:
I think a hawk or an owl dropped a half of something in our backyard one day, that used to be a whole something. Oh, don’t you worry–my dog found it. Yes, indeed. And proceeded to put it inside her mouth! That was a happy day for her. Oh, happy, happy days. And an entertaining day for my neighbors as well, while they watched me chase my dog around our yard and pry her little stubborn jaws open…
Just some quick humor, all you wonderful readers. I ordered a ring light for my YouTube channel (which is recently, yet slowly, up and running). I’m hoping to film some more this weekend and picked up some goodies for some projects. Subscribe, follow and sashsay.
Write on! ✏️
Feel free to share said bloggy if you so feel inclined. Bloggy would be most pleased. Adieu.
*Check PetMD and or with your vet before giving your dog different foods to try. Be safe–their bodies and nutritional needs are different than ours.
A.R. Clayton 