Labrador Lessons, Quick humor

Author: My Dog Curses Out Veternarian Staff (Humor) ๐Ÿพ

My dog cursed out both our vet and our vet tech today. It’s a little known fact that if you translate a dog’s barks, you’ll get language unfit for anyone’s ears. Our vet’s office has been coming out to owner’s vehicles during the pandemic to take the animals in for their treatment; they gives a verbal summary of the treatment at the end.

My dog’s speeches went something like this:

“I told you to get away from this car, you cheap tiara wearing, cat lover who dunks their biscuits in beef gravy and doesn’t share. If you get any closer to MY PERSON, I’ll dig your own muddy grave with my bare paws, you squirrel’s bottom!”

“Please stop barking. I’m so sorry, she usually isn’t like this–“

“And another thing, you blunt toothed canine prancer, spawn of feline, you. You smell disgustingly sweet and clean. When’s the last time you rolled around in poo, or in anything dead and rotting? Does your kind have no decency? You smell like cat and whiskery things that are made to be eaten! Well, today’s your day, lady…SAY YOUR LAST WORDS.”

*Later, in the car ride home…*

“So would you like to explain yourself today? Hmm, oh doggo of mine bosom?”

*Dog gives me the stink eye before leisurely responding from the backseat.*

“They’re all demons and work for Satan himself. If you take me back to that portal of hell and they shove that thermometer into my fluffy bottom again, I’ll take you down with me. And you better expect another pile of throw-up tonight just for sheer spite. Now roll down this window, I need to sniff this funny dog sitting next to us in traffic… HEY, YOU THERE! You’re not a dog; you’re a raccoon in a collar! Hey! Hey! Hey! YOU SMELL CLEAN! HAH HAH HAH!”

That was my day. How was yours? Cheers!

Brief Humor & Check-Ins, Labrador Lessons

Author: Dog Owner Truths (Humor Needed in 2020) ๐Ÿ’ฉ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿฅ•

Fun fact: I own a dog who is not only never happy, she’s also never had food before. I’ll offer her a baby carrot* on which she’ll crunch on and then look at me shortly for another.

“I’ve never had a carrot before, mother.”

“You just had six.”

*intense stare with violin music*

The next day, I offer her a mushroom while cooking.

“I’ve never had a mushroom, mother–“

The next-next day.

“Would you like your dinner?”

“I’ve never had—“

You get the jist.

In fact, she was just whining to me while I typed this. I looked up, asked her to come to my chair…and watched as she passed me and sauntered into the kitchen instead.

The sassiness is real.

I once had a vet tech tell me my dog was overweight. (She was, but only by a few pounds, which she quickly shed with walks. The saint and I both thought she was too thin after we rescued her. Apparently we went overboard on the treats…)

The vet tech said “If your dog is still hungry after her meals, try mixing in frozen veggies into her kibble.”

I just stared at this said vet tech. I wanted to know where she went to school. Had she ever owned a dog? What mockery was this?

“She’s a Lab. They’re ALWAYS hungry!”

It’s a universally acknowledged truth, that a plate in possession of a delicious meal is clearly in want of a Labrador…


I should go back now and educate this young vet tech some more. How my dog loves to sniff out other animal poo (and eat it, if she’s too fast for us to stop her), jump around excitedly after successfully going herself (a practice I think we should all adopt) and her penultimate favorite:

She loves to eat dead things. Case in point:

I think a hawk or an owl dropped a half of something in our backyard one day, that used to be a whole something. Oh, don’t you worry–my dog found it. Yes, indeed. And proceeded to put it inside her mouth! That was a happy day for her. Oh, happy, happy days. And an entertaining day for my neighbors as well, while they watched me chase my dog around our yard and pry her little stubborn jaws open…


Just some quick humor, all you wonderful readers. I ordered a ring light for my YouTube channel (which is recently, yet slowly, up and running). I’m hoping to film some more this weekend and picked up some goodies for some projects. Subscribe, follow and sashsay.

Write on! โœ๏ธ

Feel free to share said bloggy if you so feel inclined. Bloggy would be most pleased. Adieu.

*Check PetMD and or with your vet before giving your dog different foods to try. Be safe–their bodies and nutritional needs are different than ours.