Brief Humor & Check-Ins, Introversion/INTJ

Author: Poking Pesky People, Introversion (Humor | Bring Snacks)

I’m going to go out on a limb here and offer an observation. You’re welcome to swing it back over the net and volley it around. I’ll walk away and let you chew on the little birdie. 🏸

Introversion is seen as a problem by many people as a personality “quirk” that is less than ideal. If you’re not a card carrying member of the fabulous trifecta F’s of American society (see: football-family-and forever fiestas), you might get the coveted ‘weirdo’ sticker plastered onto your forehead. This sticker doesn’t come off in the shower, but one can fix their bangs around it quite stylishly. Sassy…

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Ponderings

Author: Veganism & Responding to Rude People (Bring Nunchuks | Humor)

Many people, I’ve learned, choose to have closed minds and closed hearts. They do what they do, like what they like, hate who they hate and think they’re right 99% of the time–the 1% they’re “wrong” is them being gracious. They may chew on something you present, to the best of your knowledge and patience, that is novel and slightly interesting to them–only to have them spit it back out on the table and return to their life, as-is. These are people who refuse to grow. Unique dietary choices are one of these topics…

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Brief Humor & Check-Ins, Labrador Lessons

Author: Dog Owner Truths (Humor Needed in 2020) 💩 💀🥕

Fun fact: I own a dog who is not only never happy, she’s also never had food before. I’ll offer her a baby carrot* on which she’ll crunch on and then look at me shortly for another.

“I’ve never had a carrot before, mother.”

“You just had six.”

*intense stare with violin music*

The next day, I offer her a mushroom while cooking.

“I’ve never had a mushroom, mother–“

The next-next day.

“Would you like your dinner?”

“I’ve never had—“

You get the jist.

In fact, she was just whining to me while I typed this. I looked up, asked her to come to my chair…and watched as she passed me and sauntered into the kitchen instead.

The sassiness is real.

I once had a vet tech tell me my dog was overweight. (She was, but only by a few pounds, which she quickly shed with walks. The saint and I both thought she was too thin after we rescued her. Apparently we went overboard on the treats…)

The vet tech said “If your dog is still hungry after her meals, try mixing in frozen veggies into her kibble.”

I just stared at this said vet tech. I wanted to know where she went to school. Had she ever owned a dog? What mockery was this?

“She’s a Lab. They’re ALWAYS hungry!”

It’s a universally acknowledged truth, that a plate in possession of a delicious meal is clearly in want of a Labrador…


I should go back now and educate this young vet tech some more. How my dog loves to sniff out other animal poo (and eat it, if she’s too fast for us to stop her), jump around excitedly after successfully going herself (a practice I think we should all adopt) and her penultimate favorite:

She loves to eat dead things. Case in point:

I think a hawk or an owl dropped a half of something in our backyard one day, that used to be a whole something. Oh, don’t you worry–my dog found it. Yes, indeed. And proceeded to put it inside her mouth! That was a happy day for her. Oh, happy, happy days. And an entertaining day for my neighbors as well, while they watched me chase my dog around our yard and pry her little stubborn jaws open…


Just some quick humor, all you wonderful readers. I ordered a ring light for my YouTube channel (which is recently, yet slowly, up and running). I’m hoping to film some more this weekend and picked up some goodies for some projects. Subscribe, follow and sashsay.

Write on! ✏️

Feel free to share said bloggy if you so feel inclined. Bloggy would be most pleased. Adieu.

*Check PetMD and or with your vet before giving your dog different foods to try. Be safe–their bodies and nutritional needs are different than ours.

Contest Entries

Author: Terrible Poem About Love💚

Prepare yourself. Take a deep breath. This week’s Terrible Poetry Contest theme is love. My entry is below. Best of terrible luck to you. May the bard’s strings break and curl from hearing your poem.

___

The Green Love

My love for you is like pickles, my dear
You’re like a giant pickle yourself.
Wrinkled, vinegary, tart and you make my mouth pucker

But frogs, my dear–consider
Will never croak our love ballads out the way you do
Birds fall out of the sky, dead at your winsome, cat crying tones.

Screams! My love for you is but a ballad of curled beards
Curled like your toes made of mahogany wood
Oh my dear, I sigh in love
Like a dill pickle.

-A. R. Clayton

Contest Entries, Short Stories & Poetry

Terrible Poem: “Oh, I’m a Gonna Go!”🎶

Oh, I’m a Gonna Go!

I’m a gonna go out where the wind durst blow
Sand in my knickers and mud in my toes
Where cow pies rightly disappear and the crickets eat them dangburned rusted bandoliers!
Where the guns don’t get to shootin’,
Where there’s no high brow falutin’
And everyone dances ’till half past three…
If you need me, why that there where’s I’ll be…!
In the Land of Absolution…!

-A.R. Clayton


There’s too much fun to be had at this week’s Terrible Poetry contest. Have fun and keep writing. ✏️

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Author: Overheard in the Peregrine Household (Quick Humor) 🤭

The joys of stomach viruses, folks. Enjoy. ✏️

The Saint: “But I wanted to finish painting my room tomorrow…”

Me: “Do you think it’s a good idea to be in a room with the windows open in December when you’re sick? I don’t want you running to the bathroom like it’s your last life in Mario either.”

Ba dum, cchsssh. 🥁

Quick humor

Ten Second Humor: Ear Infection & Ghosts👻👂

You know you don’t feel good when it sounds like someone’s walking around upstairs in your house and you shrug and break out into impromptu opera.

“Oh well,” you think. “Maybe the ghost-intruder will like it and is shuffling along, dancing in his white, bloody sheet.”

Delirium, thy name is…zzz…

Cheers!

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Author: October Cycling & Writing Goals 🚴‍♀️ (Heaven Help Me)

Well, Arcians, I’m stepping out onto the proverbial literary edge here. I have a fitness goal for October: bicycle every day in the month for a minimum of 30 minutes.  That’s right, 31 days x 30 min = around 15.5 hours of my tush on the cush. I’m ready…I think.

Writing goals: write at least one solid chapter of my novel, GOTD. I’ve been really struggling with writing; ever since my laptop went kaput, my motivation and confidence seemed to go along with it. My protagonist has literally been stuck inside his burning house for about four months now and is glaring at me, vehemently, from offstage. I can’t say I blame him. The chapter is like watching a Roomba try to vacuum an octagonal room: we’re going to be here for awhile.

What are your goals for October? Want to join me on the fitness journey? Leave a comment below and we can drag each other over the finish line. I’ll even have Mr. Swinebotttom do an uplifting cheer. It’ll be great fun.

Oh, P.S. This has happened to me, twice (see below image). This tells me I’m  doing this cycling thing really great, or really badly. Yes, that’s a broken pedal. And yes, I didn’t think it was possible either. I pedaled the pedal off, if you will. Straight off. Twice. Lock your doors at night; I’m a mad woman. 🚴‍♀️

Ker-kaw!

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Brief Humor & Check-Ins, Short Stories & Poetry

Author: A Time of Kerfluffles (Bad Poetry / Humorous Happenings) 🌠

Based on true events….

A Time of Kerfluffles

Two weeks ago, my eyeglasses broke. The pin popped out and the tech’s head just shook. “Too bad, you’re out of luck; you’re a blind, little bat now you idle schmuck. And don’t stumble on the welcome mat on the way out, you putz!”

My finger, shortly thereafter, broke in two; would I ever lie to you? Oh well, it’s just a strain, but I do have people sign my little splint just the same.

And then last Tuesday, I recall still yet with dread: I stepped on a rusty nail head! No scratches, no impailments, no ER trips or sky rocket payments. Tetanus shot is up to date and my guardian angel is going on vacation, post haste.

And then yesterday, or was it two days ago hence? I broke my car’s side mirror, to my garage’s horror and my proceeding recompense. Seven years of bad luck is mine from parking a smidgen too close inside.

No worries and have no fear. Because, even if this superstition is true, it’ll be over so very soon. At my current rate, I’ll be free of this bad luck around, well…let’s calculate and see. Why the year six thousand, four hundred and ninety three!

Awards

Author: Ze Lovely Liebster Award (Humor | I Nominate You) 🏆

Thanks, Steve and Ms. Muffin-pie. You guys bring light into the world. Never stop shining. Or sharpening those claws…😹

Crack on.

Continue reading “Author: Ze Lovely Liebster Award (Humor | I Nominate You) 🏆”