Quick humor

Horror Author: Poison Ivy & The Lingering Evil (Short Humor)

Did you know you can get a poison ivy rash in the Fall and Winter, even after all the leaves have fallen off the plant, and just the vines and roots are left? I did not. The saint and I knew we had a few patches left in our garden beds to get rid of–we waited until a few frosts had passed. I walked into our backyard recently to find a field of crunchy frost, thick and deliciously cold. Now was the time to finally kill the fiend–or so I thought. It still lived, quietly waiting to attack. War was here. But I was ready.

You can’t burn the evil that is poison ivy–the smoke releases the infamous urushiol oil from the plant (what gives you the rash) and you can inhale the oil into your lungs. If you pick the plant (see: forcefully yank up the said beast with a wild glint of triumph and malice), you’ll need to wash all your clothing–and your body–thoroughly–including the gloves and other protective gear you should be wearing. Otherwise the oil lingers and chuckles in glee, causing continued reactions for up to a year. I did discover one alternative to eradicating the evil plant. GOATS. Goats eat poison ivy apparently–along with a plethora of other items questionable to our human guts.

I may write a letter to Heaven then, asking Gabriel to send forth a holy flock from on high to my backyard one day soon. Kill the evil that is, dear little goaties, once and for all. Go forth and conquer!

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Entropy & Hysterical Chuckles (Humor | Return from Summer) 👍

Our fridge broke the other week. I, being the ever so stubborn persistent person that I am, researched on YouTube and Google and did all the “common issue” maintenance I safely could, Han Solo. I thought I fixed it, but alas. Our purchased thermometers confirmed: the temperature did not stay consistent in neither the freezer nor the fridge areas. Food poisoning was lurking out in our hallway, robed in her purple velvet cloak, snickering and smirking while smelling of rancid milk. I threw an aluminum air freshener can at her.

Out, we threw all our perishable food items away. Out went my beloved hummus, Tamari, pickles and the beautiful gift of Mexico: salsa. Oh, my wounded fajita.

I kicked Food Poisoning outside into a rose bush. She’s still out there, glowering and sulking, darting me nasty looks and stale crackers with old sardines.

And stay out!!!” I thundered at Food Poisoning, while making my editor wince at my choices in punctuation.

I closed my curtains and proceed onto writing Part II of my manuscript in progress. Progress and somethings.

Then we called in a refrigerator professional…A PhD in Refrigeratology. He did his thesis on the thermodynamics of frozen strawberry ice cream. 🍓

Continue reading “Entropy & Hysterical Chuckles (Humor | Return from Summer) 👍”

Brief Humor & Check-Ins

Indie Author Humor: The Magical Parking Garages

To continue my posts on driving, I would like to examine another specimen–the ominous, the abysmal, the tomb-like death trap we all know and love: the parking garage.

Now I am familiar with two general varieties of parking garages: the mostly above ground type and the strictly below ground garages. These latter types are also known as crypts, believe it or not, due to the high body counts they acquire. Either variety you pick, however, have beasts waiting within their labyrinths of blind corners and enough riddles to make you stop and question life’s conundrums.

I give you: the magical parking garages.

Continue reading “Indie Author Humor: The Magical Parking Garages”