Contest Entries

Author: Terrible Poem About Love💚

Prepare yourself. Take a deep breath. This week’s Terrible Poetry Contest theme is love. My entry is below. Best of terrible luck to you. May the bard’s strings break and curl from hearing your poem.

___

The Green Love

My love for you is like pickles, my dear
You’re like a giant pickle yourself.
Wrinkled, vinegary, tart and you make my mouth pucker

But frogs, my dear–consider
Will never croak our love ballads out the way you do
Birds fall out of the sky, dead at your winsome, cat crying tones.

Screams! My love for you is but a ballad of curled beards
Curled like your toes made of mahogany wood
Oh my dear, I sigh in love
Like a dill pickle.

-A. R. Clayton

Contest Entries, Short Stories & Poetry

Terrible Poem: “Oh, I’m a Gonna Go!”🎶

Oh, I’m a Gonna Go!

I’m a gonna go out where the wind durst blow
Sand in my knickers and mud in my toes
Where cow pies rightly disappear and the crickets eat them dangburned rusted bandoliers!
Where the guns don’t get to shootin’,
Where there’s no high brow falutin’
And everyone dances ’till half past three…
If you need me, why that there where’s I’ll be…!
In the Land of Absolution…!

-A.R. Clayton


There’s too much fun to be had at this week’s Terrible Poetry contest. Have fun and keep writing. ✏️

Contest Entries

Terrible Poem: Bleak Mid-Winter❄️😴 (humor)

Let There Be Light

I don’t mind the cold or that white stuff they call snow
What I mind is the lack of light, if it’s forty days in a row.
Something kicks in, some hibernational urge
And I find myself laying in bed
Snoring a symphonic dirge

– A.R. Clayton


Want to take a try? We’re here, cheering you on. Happy writing. ✏️

Contest Entries

Author: Fast Food, Fast Fat (Terrible Poetry Jingle Contest Entry)🧂

Haven’t done a Terrible Poetry entry yet? I hide my face in shame. Go thither, you knave, and join the peons trying to out write the worst of you.

My regret entry is below. We were ashamed assigned to write a jingle this week by Sensei Owens. May it fill you with discomfort and tears at how badly it is. Cheers.

Continue reading “Author: Fast Food, Fast Fat (Terrible Poetry Jingle Contest Entry)🧂”

Reposts/Reblog Shares

The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest: Halloween 🎃

 

Come all, come one. The more terrible your poetry, the better! 🦴🎃💀

Chelsea Ann Owens

Come here, my poet, and prepare to enter the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest #49! You’ll find a basic outline on terrible poeting here. Ready?

Here are the specifics for this week:

  1. Our Topic is Halloween. Write something SCARY!
  2. As is usual, the Length is up to you.
  3. Rhyming is also up to you. Frighten us with what you do.
  4. Just Make it terrible! Make the very souls of the Wal-mart imps moan in agony and terror at the very thought of your verses.
  5. The Rating’s fine at PG-13 or cleaner.

You have till midnight of All Hallow’s Eve, 12:00 a.m. MST next Friday morning (November 1) to submit a poem.

Use the form below to be anonymous for a week.

For a more social experience and immediate fame, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. If you do not see a pingback within a day…

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Reposts/Reblog Shares

The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

 

Come all, come one. Can you write the most terrible poem to the theme?

Chelsea Ann Owens

Welcome to The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest! This is our 34th time of offending the internet and I hope we continue to disappoint.

As those who’ve entered before know, writing terrible poetry is an art form. To truly offend one’s sensibilities; a bad poet needs to nearly fit a meter, almost follow a rhythmic pattern, or get so close to a beautiful description his audience starts picturing EXIT signs instead of snow falling gently in a springtime field. I explain the process a bit here.

Besides that, here are this week’s specifics:

  1. Topic: Animals and their pregnancy.
    Did you know the African Bush Elephant carries …well, an elephant for 22 months? That a male seahorse carries the babies (up to 1,500!)? Or that female Komodo Dragons can impregnate themselves without a male through a process called parthenogenesis?
    Did you know you’re going to write a poem about it?

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Contest Entries

Terrible Poetry Contest Entry: Entropy

Hey, you there. Yes, you. Go to Chelsea’s page and submit your own Terrible Poem take on Unusual Ways to Make Money. Read the rules, mind the PG rating and dive in. We need fresh blood of the terrible kind.

My entry is below. I took a different turn with this one. Crack on.
Continue reading “Terrible Poetry Contest Entry: Entropy”

Contest Entries

Terrible Poetry Contest Winner: Oi’, Summah!

Lightning has hit twice. I have won the Terrible Poetry Contest for the second glorious time. And everyone rejoiced and roasted Oxford commas over cozy bonfires.

Want to join in on the terribleness? The new contest opens tomorrow. Check out Chelsea’s page for details.

Crack on.

Continue reading “Terrible Poetry Contest Winner: Oi’, Summah!”

Contest Entries

Terrible Poetry Entry: Parody of “Death (Dog) be not proud”

Here’s my entry for Chelsea Owen’s current Terrible Poetry Contest:

Parody of “Death be not proud” by John Donne

Continue reading “Terrible Poetry Entry: Parody of “Death (Dog) be not proud””

Contest Entries

Terrible Love Poem Entry: Ode to my Hanky

Go to Chelsea’s page to have a crack at this week’s poetry contest. You’ll laugh yourself silly. Just silly. My entry is below.

It’s so terrible, I forgot to save the text. Perhaps my phone was just too much in pain from the experience. Alas, I do have a screenshot.

Continue reading “Terrible Love Poem Entry: Ode to my Hanky”