Author: Peregrine Arc: An Author's Scratchwork

I watched a couple tutorials about crocheting today. Another skill I could perhaps learn and make useful things using yarn. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I tried to learn how to knit once. The knitting needles were flung into the nearest wall in a fit of rage and ire, the likes of which has never been seen again. People who visited thought I had a porcupine living in my walls. No, no. It was just a visual reminder I kept to remember the evil that was and to never return to again. Ever.

The saint (my spouse) can knit and sew a bit, and quite well; he enjoys it. He’s been collecting quite a stash of yarn for his projects. He’s a patient teacher but I would rather do anything else, short of murder, than knit.

Here’s my summary of the evil that is crocheting. And remember now, this is humor.

🧶🧶🧶

“Yarn over… Yarn over… This here is a chain. It becomes a prison of crocheting. Yarn over some more… Now we’re going to do something very simple, you peons, so please do try to keep up this time. We’re going to do a triple, double, ventriloquist, three quarter backflip, in Chinese. Now take the third loop, feed through, you should have six loops now… If you don’t, all hope is lost and you have failed miserably. If you’re still with me, cast off a fish and off we go…!”

Ain’t life grand? No wonder cats attack balls of yarn. They were trying to save us all this time…Thanks, Fluffy. 🐱